Dating - Good/Bad Experiences

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Laura.....first off.

Case in point, I have never had a facebook profile picture with another person in it, unless it were my kids. I changed my profile picture to a picture of her and I. The only thing she had to say was to reply with a heart and smiley emoji.....that's it. Her profile picture, still her and her kids. Absolutely nothing about me on her profile at all. After I changed my profile picture, I had a mutual friend of ours msg me and say they had no clue we were even a couple.......5 years...... Literally nothing about me whatsoever on her social media.

Me no like this facebook thing.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

We have some metric ones in Canada. When the guy promises you eight for tonight, you know it's in centimeters.

Attachment 2524241

SO true. I find when a guy brags about his size, it's much smaller than what he claims it to be. Then there are always the ones that claim to be massive in girth and 9+ inches long like what normal couchie sized woman is going to enjoy that? Maybe a woman with a wide stretched out pussy. For me, hard pass.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Ladies, I may need some advice soon. Hell landed at casa del rey yesterday. I spent my weekend working on the girlfriends house. In return she was going to help me clean mine. (Back story: I'm anal and keep a clean home. It stresses me for it to be messy. With the lifestyle I live I have very little time to get everything done, I rarely have time to sleep.) Long story short, her stuff got done, mine did not. I mentioned that it hurt my feelings that she could stand there and watch me clean but not jump in and help. This was a green light for her to go ballistic, interrupt me and never even really let me finish what I was trying to say. She ended up leaving, came back, left again, came back again and left me with my garage door opener. It seems that her personal responsibilities are more important than mine or spending time with me. I get that people should handle their business first, and I expect that; but it seems that her "stuff" never gets done and now it's taking precedence over spending time with me. We finally got a chance to talk and have decided to try to work things out. Problem is now I'm of the mindset of do I want to continue to do this? Almost 5 year invested, but this is the 4th time she has broken up with me over trivial shit in 5 months. I'd much rather be with someone who can verbally discuss problems and work past them willingly versus going the break up route right off the bat.




Do tell.....

Also curious as to what a date rater is.

Interesting. So we have the above. And then we have the below, written only 6 days ago. I place them here for the interesting juxtaposition.

Originally Posted by King Rudi

It's been going great! Thank you for asking. We had a very long, serious discussion about 6 weeks ago. Before, if I discussed how I felt about our relationship, she would take offense to what I was saying versus simply trying to empathize and put herself in my shoes. I finally got through to her and switched the mindset from "He's upset with me and I can't do anything right" to "Oh shit, it's the little things I'm not doing that make him feel unwanted." Once the lightbulb was engaged above her head, everything changed. She now keeps me informed of where she is, what she's doing, etc. and genuinely makes the effort to manage time a little better. Also the communication has improved greatly, between both of us. We have been together almost 5 years now and I think we are the best we have been so far.....I also feel like this is a testament to her resolve. You and others on here have seen my posts, I'm not the easiest person to be with; but I like to think that I make the effort worth it.

My analysis:

She just started to try to change. Seven weeks ago. To communicate, talk about the little stuff, understand what it means to you, etc. She ain't there bud. Not in seven weeks. Going to take a lot longer than that for a leopard to change its spots. She's going to revert to old behaviour because it is easy to slip into. I know that - I do that.

The question I would have is - this incident aside, do you still see evidence of her trying to change? I'm not talking a 180, but efforts in the right direction? It seems you did...at least up to a week ago. So this is a week off.

Know what my feeble mind thinks it has learned in the 11 odd years I've been married to my wife? We've had our little blowups and yelling matches and in that time and a for a few days later until we apologize, I think that we aren't going to make it, this is stupid, this trajectory is wrong and not sustainable. But you know what - after we apologize and hash it out, I can never see how I'd ever want to leave, she's my person. And I very much love her and the love isn't diminished, if anything it might be increased. I'm not saying fighting is a good way to create love - it isn't. But we are in love.

And I think you are too. And that's why you are now riding the joyous tempest of passionately loving someone and then one week later thinking its all over, and how can this go on.

But hey, we'll see.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Me no like this facebook thing.

'Cause you old...ma'am.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by rebekahb

@King Rudi I just read your last post about her social media and that makes me go hmmmm. Does she post a lot?

That reminds me of my sister in laws mother in law. Moved down to south fl to marry some multi-millionaire. Keeps a solo picture of herself and never changed her last name to his. Rarely posts pictures of the guy. It makes me feel bad. He's older (70ish) with 2 young children. Poor sap thinks she married him and moved one of her sons (my sis in law & their family) down there because she loved him. Not a one of them would have moved if the guy was an average joe but they've come to "love" him

She doesn't post much at all. To go further down the rabbit hole, I've only been back on facebook for about 2 months. She has liked 2 of my posts. One was the picture of her and I. She says she's rarely on there, but damn near every time I get on fb, I see where she has liked other people's posts, but apparently never sees mine somehow.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

'Cause you old...ma'am.

I meant her not mentioning him or their relationship on facebook, and just liking and not commenting on their picture.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Ladies, I may need some advice soon. Hell landed at casa del rey yesterday. I spent my weekend working on the girlfriends house. In return she was going to help me clean mine. (Back story: I'm anal and keep a clean home. It stresses me for it to be messy. With the lifestyle I live I have very little time to get everything done, I rarely have time to sleep.) Long story short, her stuff got done, mine did not. I mentioned that it hurt my feelings that she could stand there and watch me clean but not jump in and help. This was a green light for her to go ballistic, interrupt me and never even really let me finish what I was trying to say. She ended up leaving, came back, left again, came back again and left me with my garage door opener. It seems that her personal responsibilities are more important than mine or spending time with me. I get that people should handle their business first, and I expect that; but it seems that her "stuff" never gets done and now it's taking precedence over spending time with me. We finally got a chance to talk and have decided to try to work things out. Problem is now I'm of the mindset of do I want to continue to do this? Almost 5 year invested, but this is the 4th time she has broken up with me over trivial shit in 5 months. I'd much rather be with someone who can verbally discuss problems and work past them willingly versus going the break up route right off the bat.




Do tell.....

Also curious as to what a date rater is.

I wouldn't put up with it.

If someone broke up with me 4 times in 5 months, I'd be done. That's too much drama for me.

Why do you keep allowing her to come back every time she has this temper tantrum?

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

I meant her not mentioning him or their relationship on facebook, and just liking and not commenting on their picture.

I'm going to let my remark stand, just to see where it gets me...

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Interesting. So we have the above. And then we have the below, written only 6 days ago. I place them here for the interesting juxtaposition.



My analysis:

She just started to try to change. Seven weeks ago. To communicate, talk about the little stuff, understand what it means to you, etc. She ain't there bud. Not in seven weeks. Going to take a lot longer than that for a leopard to change its spots. She's going to revert to old behaviour because it is easy to slip into. I know that - I do that.

The question I would have is - this incident aside, do you still see evidence of her trying to change? I'm not talking a 180, but efforts in the right direction? It seems you did...at least up to a week ago. So this is a week off.

Know what my feeble mind thinks it has learned in the 11 odd years I've been married to my wife? We've had our little blowups and yelling matches and in that time and a for a few days later until we apologize, I think that we aren't going to make it, this is stupid, this trajectory is wrong and not sustainable. But you know what - after we apologize and hash it out, I can never see how I'd ever want to leave, she's my person. And I very much love her and the love isn't diminished, if anything it might be increased. I'm not saying fighting is a good way to create love - it isn't. But we are in love.

And I think you are too. And that's why you are now riding the joyous tempest of passionately loving someone and then one week later thinking its all over, and how can this go on.

But hey, we'll see.

Joe, I always appreciate your replies. Witty, insightful and they tend to make me think more than normal. You're like my own personal Canadian Budha. I wondered if someone was going to look back and see the differences in posts. No surprise that it was you. I appreciate your analytical mind sir....and the food for thought. I think we are on the same page as far as longevity goes, but the question is raised of self preservation as well. There is a fine line there. She truly is a good person in the aspects of a relationship. She doesn't talk to other guys, doesn't do things behind my back, etc. She is a terrible communicator but this is my biggest issue with her. If she can control her temper and stop trying to control the relationship we'd be great.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I'm not the type to lash out if something isn't put where it's supposed to be.

Then I'm guessing the OCD isn't real strong in you.
From the opposite standpoint, I sometimes HATE putting away dishes if my wife is washing them. (This week) the pans go over THERE, what's wrong with you?

We have 2 dishwashing machines, but they never run, we do it all by hand. So, conversely, it drives me freaking NUTS that she doesn't put all the glasses, then all the bowls, then all the silverware. I end up drying 50% of glasses and putting them away, now I'm getting pans, OK some more glasses, then some bowls. Oh, another fork here, and then the pans, and some glasses. And don't put the newly rinsed, dripping pile of things right on top of what I'm currently drying, geez!!!

Don't get me started on running water. . .


So we each have our flaws, but somehow the dishes get done, and neither of us has to explain to the sheriff how that knife got stuck in the other's chest.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Sara504

I wouldn't put up with it.

If someone broke up with me 4 times in 5 months, I'd be done. That's too much drama for me.

Why do you keep allowing her to come back every time she has this temper tantrum?

I do love her. Where I come from, relationships last because the two involved don't give up on each other. As I type this, I realize I'm the one not giving up. Dammit.

I'd also like to add that the sex is amazing. She's also 5' 6" and weighs 118. Pickle saw a picture of her and thought she was 20.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Then I'm guessing the OCD isn't real strong in you.
From the opposite standpoint, I sometimes HATE putting away dishes if my wife is washing them. (This week) the pans go over THERE, what's wrong with you?

We have 2 dishwashing machines, but they never run, we do it all by hand. So, conversely, it drives me freaking NUTS that she doesn't put all the glasses, then all the bowls, then all the silverware. I end up drying 50% of glasses and putting them away, now I'm getting pans, OK some more glasses, then some bowls. Oh, another fork here, and then the pans, and some glasses. And don't put the newly rinsed, dripping pile of things right on top of what I'm currently drying, geez!!!

Don't get me started on running water. . .


So we each have our flaws, but somehow the dishes get done, and neither of us has to explain to the sheriff how that knife got stuck in the other's chest.

The OCD is on another level, but I have learned not to complain about getting help. Seriously, the OCD is something that pays me. My job actually revolves around my attention to detail.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Joe, I always appreciate your replies. Witty, insightful and they tend to make me think more than normal. You're like my own personal Canadian Budha. I wondered if someone was going to look back and see the differences in posts. No surprise that it was you. I appreciate your analytical mind sir....and the food for thought. I think we are on the same page as far as longevity goes, but the question is raised of self preservation as well. There is a fine line there. She truly is a good person in the aspects of a relationship. She doesn't talk to other guys, doesn't do things behind my back, etc. She is a terrible communicator but this is my biggest issue with her. If she can control her temper and stop trying to control the relationship we'd be great.

Well, as your own personal "Budha", I can sincerely say that my greatest hope for you is that one day you find Jesus. And find him in such a way that you realize your need of a Saviour before it is too late. You know I'm going to proselytize given even a 1/4 of a chance, and you brought religion into it!

There is a fine line, I've thought about it some more, I agree. One of the differences I should note is that my wife has never threatened to leave me (or I, her)...the number of times your gf has threatened / done this is the last few months is concerning to be sure. And there would have to be changes there. But in general, I think my points still stand as something worth considering. Though you may get to the point where you call it.

My wife and I (before we were married) did take a month or three (can't remember) off from each other over an issue and it did help me get my head space right, and hers as well. Perhaps you will both go that route too and while that time might actually indicate you are better without each other, it may be like my wife and I as well. Though I believe you already did take some time apart.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I do love her. Where I come from, relationships last because the two involved don't give up on each other. As I type this, I realize I'm the one not giving up. Dammit.

I'd also like to add that the sex is amazing. She's also 5' 6" and weighs 118. Pickle saw a picture of her and thought she was 20.

I understand. I also understand that happiness should come first. Does she make you happy day in and day out? I loved someone for 3 years who didn't love me back. I felt I put 100% into the relationship and he put 50%. Relationships are 100/100. Divorce is 50/50. Is she going above and beyond for you time and time again?

Sex can be amazing with a lot of women (not at once lol). If she's great in bed but terrible for your emotional well being, you've got to realize that long term it's going to wear you down. If sex is all she's got going for her, I'm happy to inform you that there are a lot of women out there who will please you and most likely one or several that will give a relationship with you at 100%.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Well, as your own personal "Budha", I can sincerely say that my greatest hope for you is that one day you find Jesus. And find him in such a way that you realize your need of a Saviour before it is too late. You know I'm going to proselytize given even a 1/4 of a chance, and you brought religion into it!

There is a fine line, I've thought about it some more, I agree. One of the differences I should note is that my wife has never threatened to leave me (or I, her)...the number of times your gf has threatened / done this is the last few months is concerning to be sure. And there would have to be changes there. But in general, I think my points still stand as something worth considering. Though you may get to the point where you call it.

My wife and I (before we were married) did take a month or three (can't remember) off from each other over an issue and it did help me get my head space right, and hers as well. Perhaps you will both go that route too and while that time might actually indicate you are better without each other, it may be like my wife and I as well. Though I believe you already did take some time apart.

Taking this in. I've read/re-read several times. Thank you.

Originally Posted by Sara504

I understand. I also understand that happiness should come first. Does she make you happy day in and day out? I loved someone for 3 years who didn't love me back. I felt I put 100% into the relationship and he put 50%. Relationships are 100/100. Divorce is 50/50. Is she going above and beyond for you time and time again?

Sex can be amazing with a lot of women (not at once lol). If she's great in bed but terrible for your emotional well being, you've got to realize that long term it's going to wear you down. If sex is all she's got going for her, I'm happy to inform you that there are a lot of women out there who will please you and most likely one or several that will give a relationship with you at 100%.

this is the back of my mind as well.....all of it. Assuming your questions are rhetorical. I literally told her yesterday that I'm in this 110% and feel like she's in for about 20%.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I do love her. Where I come from, relationships last because the two involved don't give up on each other. As I type this, I realize I'm the one not giving up. Dammit.

I'd also like to add that the sex is amazing. She's also 5' 6" and weighs 118. Pickle saw a picture of her and thought she was 20.

Bullshit! You are rewarding her for bad behavior. She keeps having hissy fits and storming out and you're giving up?

I

[Sara]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Taking this in. I've read/re-read several times. Thank you.




this is the back of my mind as well.....all of it. Assuming your questions are rhetorical. I literally told her yesterday that I'm in this 110% and feel like she's in for about 20%.

If you truly feel she's only putting 20% into the relationship, you should realize that you deserve better. I know it's going to hurt, I know it's not going to be easy, but do you really want to be with someone who's only giving 20%? That's a slap in the face. When you realize you deserve better, you'll have a lot more self respect for yourself and be happier.

[andrewmr]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I literally told her yesterday that I'm in this 110% and feel like she's in for about 20%.

Dude, pull the Band-Aid off in one quick jerk.

[rebekahb]

@King Rudi meh this is the whole problem with social media. He/she was on there and didn't like my posts blah blah. That whole thing is elementary to me. I also don't understand the overt displays of love and tagging on fb. I feel like it's just a need for self affirmation when you should be sharing that intimately with the person. What throws up more of a red flag is that y'all haven't had a conversation or understand how each other uses social media. I say that from the point of another communication be it a small one.

I don't know that I recall all the issues but feel like I have a pretty good memory of what you've posted over the past several months. Great sex is a wonderful thing to have but emotional burnout/ups and downs/multiple break ups is taxing. It's always easier to throw in the towel and walk away. I don't envy your position right now. Know you self worth. People treat you the way you allow them to.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by rebekahb

@King Rudi meh this is the whole problem with social media. He/she was on there and didn't like my posts blah blah. That whole thing is elementary to me. I also don't understand the overt displays of love and tagging on fb. I feel like it's just a need for self affirmation when you should be sharing that intimately with the person. What throws up more of a red flag is that y'all haven't had a conversation or understand how each other uses social media. I say that from the point of another communication be it a small one.

I don't know that I recall all the issues but feel like I have a pretty good memory of what you've posted over the past several months. Great sex is a wonderful thing to have but emotional burnout/ups and downs/multiple break ups is taxing. It's always easier to throw in the towel and walk away. I don't envy your position right now. Know you self worth. People treat you the way you allow them to.

I agree with you on the social media thing. I'm not the type to post all the mushy stuff or constantly tagging each other in sappy love stuff. That shit makes my stomach turn. I suppose a slight mention of each other, but our online presence doesn't have to be the two of us all up each others ass's. But 5 years.....and nothing?

We have discussed facebook and the use of social media. I have a strong sales/management background; I am a social butterfly. She is extremely awkward socially. I think both of these statements accurately depict our social media presence to paint the picture.

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I agree with you on the social media thing. I'm not the type to post all the mushy stuff or constantly tagging each other in sappy love stuff. That shit makes my stomach turn. I suppose a slight mention of each other, but our online presence doesn't have to be the two of us all up each others ass's. But 5 years.....and nothing?

We have discussed facebook and the use of social media. I have a strong sales/management background; I am a social butterfly. She is extremely awkward socially. I think both of these statements accurately depict our social media presence to paint the picture.

That would make more sense in why she handles it that way.

When I had fb I wasn't a big picture poster of me and my husband. On IG I've never had him in my profile pic. No reason really other than I have a cute pic I like and it's been the same one ever since I joined lol. I'm more introverted so not one to put a whole lot out there. I scroll and look. Rarely ever like anything.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

Curiosity killed the cat but since you asked...Tee hee hee...


Attachment 2524111

Banana for scale, please?

Originally Posted by Sara504

HA! Need a ruler for length, too No one likes a chode.

Length doesn't matter if you can't touch the sides!

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Neither - it's "girngth". Which is an amalgamation of the two.

AKA volume