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      10-26-2016, 12:12 AM   #1
F10M5SoccerDad
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Hilarious F10 M5 Craigslist For Sale Posting in Sac, Ca

Not sure if you guys have seen this post or if this person is on this forum but I gotta share this awesome for sale post from someone in Sac, Ca selling their F10 M5.


https://m.reddit.com/r/cars/comments...&compact=false


"

Listen up f#ck##s. . .

I'm selling my car. My pristine. . . beautiful 2013 BMW M5 6-Speed baby. . .

because I had a baby. And my husband doesn't think it's an "appropriate" car

for me to be "racing around in" with a baby in it. (That's right, I'm a woman.

I'm a 32 year old woman who likes to drive fast.) So anyway. . . I got a 535i

instead, which isn't nearly as fun but it still goes from 0 to 60 in a decent

amount of time so ugh, whatever. The thing is. . . I can't f##king afford both

of these cars, plus my husband's stupid truck. . . so I'm cutting the cord and

selling it. I mean, I COULD technically afford three cars but I'd probably

eventually have to sell like. . . furniture or get rid of cable and I don't

want to do either of those things at all. So the car's gotta go.

Anyway. This car. . . is amazing. It goes from 0-60 in 3.7 seconds. If you

have no idea how fast that is, try it in your car and see how many minutes it

takes you to do the same. It's got 560hp and 502lb/ft torque, and like I said.

. . it's a manual 6-speed. So you get to shift gears and do all that fun shit

and pretend you're racing everyone you meet at a stop light. Except it's not

pretend. You are. You're racing them. And you know what? You're never going to

lose because this is a BMW M5 and they're in a Prius. Okay, bad example. . .

you're going to win against a Prius no matter what car you're in. But

regardless. . . you're racing EVERYONE. Cops? They don't give a shit how fast

you go because you're so fucking awesome. And they can't even see you because

you're going faster than the speed of f##king light. Maybe. I haven't tested

that but I've also never gotten a ticket! In this car. Specifically.

You want more specs? I'll give you more specs.

It's all entirely factory original and FLAWLESSLY maintained by the BMW

dealership.

It's got 73000 miles. I know, that sounds like a lot, but fuck that because

it's under warranty and maintenance until 100k miles! That warranty is

transferable from me to you. I checked. Because I'm responsible and shit.

That's a lot of miles between now and then. That INCLUDES oil changes,

inspections, and any scheduled maintenance that comes up. And other shit, read

about it yourself. I'm busy writing this ad. ALSO, the ignition coils, of

which. . . there are 8, were all replaced like, 4000 miles ago. So it's like a

brand new f##king car. And I drive it like it deserves to be driven. Not like

some 16 year old who just learned what a clutch is and stalls at every stop

sign. I go around speed bumps. Not because I'm being unsafe but my baby

deserves a nice flat surface to be driven on.

Accidents? This car has never had so much as a god damn scratch on it. I park

it a mile away from the store and cover it in bubble wrap so no one will even

so much as glance at it. It basically lives under a blanket in my garage. In a

cozy little bed I built so it would stay comfortable.

OPTIONS?? Oh shit, here we go.

Cool Stuff:

-It's silver. That's not an option but it's cool. Silver is a cool f##king color. Your friends are already jealous and you don't even own this car yet. But you should. And you will.

-Air conditioning (Really. I'm not lying. It's got it.)

-Bang and Olufsen PREMIUM sound system. 16 SPEAKERS. Who needs that many? You know what? You do.

-Not just AM, but also FM radio. I sprung for it. You're welcome.

-CD player! You can bump that Chicago Greatest Hits CD whenever someone asks you if you know what time it is.

-Bluetooth, USB, AUX connection

-SiriusXM radio (P.S. I can help you get this for SUPER cheap by just saying the right thing if you're interested. Just ask me)

-Back seat DVD players for the kids. Or for your carpool buddies who can't sit still on the way to work. Or park somewhere and just watch a movie in your car. Like a baller who can do that because they have that option.

-Leather seats

-POWER seats

-Heated seats

-AIR CONDITIONED SEATS (You heard me. Air conditioned seats. This is California. You know how hot it gets in the summer? With leather seats? Holy shit. You can't live without it.)

-A MOONroof. Or a sunroof if you're some kinda person who drives around during the daytime.

-Parking sensors. No more bumping into shit or not being sure whether or not you're inside the lines.

-Heads-up display. You have no idea how much you want this until you've had it, and then drive a car without it.

-Full navigation system. No more looking at your phone. I mean, at maps on your phone.

-Comfort access. That means all you need is the key in your pocket. . . and you open the door and it unlocks for you. And then you touch the handle. . . and it locks for you. The car basically does all the work for you. All you have to do is drive it.

Boring things that are still important or whatever:

-Automatic Traction Control

-Dual Front Air Bags

-Side impact airbags

-Power Windows (No rolling that shit down yourself like some kinda jagoff)

-Premium Wheels that also happen to be Alloy Wheels

-Anti-Lock Brakes! These brakes aren't locking up! No pumping those brakes anymore like it's 1980!

-Cruise Control )

-Power Steering

-Rear A/C for those poor suckers watching movies in the back seat.

-Stability control

-Tilt/Telescoping Wheel

-Xenon Headlights

-Privacy Screens ) )

-A security system. You wouldn't want someone stealing that AM/FM radio.

*PS- Don't be surprised if you call and a man answers the phone. That's my husband. I'm not looking to get murdered. But you can email me."
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      10-26-2016, 09:44 AM   #2
f10k
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It has air conditioner too!! Wow
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      10-26-2016, 01:04 PM   #3
F10M5SoccerDad
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Quote:
Originally Posted by f10k View Post
It has air conditioner too!! Wow
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      11-20-2016, 02:02 AM   #4
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2000 BMW M5  [0.00]
1990 BMW 735i Turbo  [0.00]
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2015 BMW M5  [0.00]
Wooooooow

Did she post a picture of herself in the ad by chance? If she drives a 6 speed M5 she must be hot.
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      06-08-2017, 12:13 AM   #5
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Best M5 ad I have ever read!
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      09-05-2017, 11:07 AM   #6
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Awesome!
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